Mariella Gattini

I could say many flamboyant things here that would arouse the attention of audiences not used to the written word. Like that of those who watch videos of two male YouTubers eating raw squirrel outside a Soho Vegan Food Market in London. In the name of what? Putrefaction?

I could take my bra off in public and proclaim my own liberation from patriarchal dominance. I could tell my own story of struggle, living and working in environments dominated by misogyny and xenophobia, but this is not about me.

No woman wants to be a feminist because in order to become one, you need to recognize an environment detrimental to our physical, intellectual, and therefore emotional well-being. So, many prefer to think that the feminist era is in the past, where women conquered everything that was there to be conquered. Unfortunately—and I’m sorry to break it to you—that’s not the case.

The political and social environment around the world indicates that misogyny is very much alive. The number of women in power is very restricted, mostly to their societal status. In other words, most of the few women we see dominating in their field come from a high-social standing. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but those in the rags-to-riches category are in very small numbers.

Once the adverse surroundings have been established we need to stand up for ourselves somehow, an effort that most women find daunting. Because it is. Going against the grain is not just going against the patriarchal establishment, there are also women in favor of that establishment. Most women against feminism are religious and/or conservative, who, not content with being miserable in their own lives, want everybody else to be miserable as well.

You can not be a feminist when you are being feminine. I’m not suggesting that in order to be a feminist you necessarily need to be a lesbian. What I really mean is that our femininity presents a real problem for our own assertiveness because everything related to it takes too much time out of our lives. From the way we look, to our ability to gestate a human being inside of us. The grooming part of it alone is exhausting.

You can’t really defend yourself in high heels, plastic long nails, over-processed hairdos, and restrictive clothing. Not even in a so-called “power suit”, because your appearance is already hindering your message. You want to be heard and be taken seriously, but your looks say to men: “Please, like me.” Even the “power suit” indicates to men something in the neighborhood of: “You see? I’m just like you.”

Powerful women shouldn’t be imitations of powerful men. We have our own way to solve problems and to assert ourselves. By the same token, powerful women are not fashion victims, they dress the way they feel most comfortable with, in outfits that support their message, and not in clothes that feminine magazines or society in general tell them to wear. This is not a pamphlet against those magazines, although they can be quite amusing. What I’m suggesting is that superficiality is even healthy, but only in small doses. Everything in moderation is a good way to measure yourself. More, and you get lost in the whims of marketing.

On the other hand, feminism, as the very same Gloria Steinem has stated numerous times, has never been against men. It is only in favor of women’s rights, and therefore in favor of an inclusive society, where everybody, meaning all genders, are included and respected. It’s about compassion, something somewhat forgotten in a commercialism imbued in us every second of our lives.

Women find identity in their relationship with others, while men find identity in what they do. When it comes to the acquisition of power, women, no matter their societal status, find themselves criticized; whereas men are praised for their efforts. When a woman is assertive, she is called the b word; when a man shows initiatives of that nature, he is applauded.

Even men who consider themselves open-minded, therefore acceptant of women’s rights and recognizant of women’s value in our society, find themselves puzzled and taken aback when it comes to their own convenience. For example, in the case of an advancement at work (thinking women have a man in their lives who can cover for them so they don’t really need to move up in rank), or when it comes to household chores (having always seen a woman in their lives taking care of the insignificant details of their days, such as dishes, laundry, or doctor’s appointments). One thing is the intellectual acquisition of knowledge, and the other, very different, is the ability to actually apply that knowledge acquisition in our own everyday life.

Finally, maternity can also hinder women’s development if the responsibility of raising a child is not shared, with a significant other, or family members. Whether we like it or not, at the end of the day, the burden of maternity is still very much on the shoulders of women, and men are still seen as “good helpers” in the best of cases.

Our society right now has gone backward more than fifty years with politics and politicians catering to the most conservative constituencies. For that reason, feminism is more than ever relevant and very much alive, and will continue its mission of awakening minds toward women’s rights and an inclusive society, where all genders and backgrounds are welcomed, accepted, and respected.

Today, there is no need to burn our bras in public, nor declare war against anybody. The only thing necessary is to recognize the value of our own lives, and the ability we have to stand up for ourselves every time it is needed. There is no need for big slogans, or big words. Just our simple everyday life will do the trick. And the clearer we have in our minds the value of our intervention in the universal realm of things, not only the more will we be in the minds of others, we will be happier and even more worthy of love.