Mariella Gattini

Our name, particularly our first name, has deep roots in our psyche. It gives us an identity even before we are able to put it into words ourselves. It differentiates us from our classmates on our first day at school, and it can even be a source of pride for who we are and what we represent in society.

Unfortunately, it can also be misused and misconstrued by social forces out of our control. In that case, name calling becomes a tactic people use to hurt one another, which can leave deep psychological scars.

Today, in the era of memes, we are dealing with Karens, Beckys, Kyles, as a way to draw attention to Anglo-Saxon women and men’s misbehavior in public spaces especially directed at members of the African-American communities. More recently, that irrational attitude of Anglo-Saxon groups has been displayed in their refusal to wear masks and in their disrespect of social distancing when they are out and about.

As unconscionable as the behavior of irrational people might be, the answer is not name calling, because in that case you are punishing an entire community for the misbehavior of a few. If you put yourself in that position you’re not better than the one criticized, therefore, your plea loses all credibility and respect from the very community you are targeting. Case in point, the way Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was attacked recently by Congressman Yoho, calling her the f and the b words combined, among other pejorative epithets. Instead of apologizing, he “shielded” himself by saying that he couldn’t be a bigot due to the fact that he has a wife and a daughter, which is laughable to say the least.

The irrationality some members of the Anglo-Saxon groups are displaying on national television and online toward initiatives such as Black Lives Matter, or the health guidelines that Dr. Fauci has been delineating for the safety of all Americans, should serve as an example of how Anglo-Saxon political forces, coming from the White House and the Senate, are trying to convince people of their own race that they are superior to other races, therefore, they can actually behave as it pleases them with total impunity.

As frustrating as that fact can be, the answer is not name calling, because like any other type of punishment it’s completely ineffectual. In other words, it does not lead us to the solution of things.

On the other hand, all these memes directed at irrational women have allowed misogynists to extend that irrationality toward all women, no matter their race, using a twisted logic: Karen is irrational. Karen belongs to a group called “women”. Therefore, all women are irrational. Not so fast. The reality is that: You hate women. You are a man. Therefore, you are a misogynist—pure and simple—and no good wife or good daughter is going to help you get out of this one unscathed.

Rational words and narrative are far more effective than simple epithets to face our interpersonal problems, because in that way we use our brain and not our unreliable animalistic instincts to attack a difficulty.

If we want to elevate the discourse, we should aim toward the ethics of our discussion—always attack the issue, not the person. That’s exactly what Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is learning to do. She’s still young, and, at the same time, she still has her entire life in front of her to change the discourse in government into one that looks for the solution of things instead of divisions and hatred. And the way to do it is to focus on the problem at hand and not on the disparagement of people who speak to reason.

All this name calling is distracting us one more time from facts like the one British investigative-reporter Carole Cadwalladr from the Observer describes in an opinion piece titled “If You’re Not Terrified about Facebook, You Haven’t Been Paying Attention,” dated July 26, 2020 in The Guardian. She was the one who broke the Cambridge Analytica scandal. According to her, because of the doings of Cambridge Analytica, with the complicity of Facebook, “87 million people’s personal data were stolen and repurposed including by the Trump campaign. A $5bn fine was paid but no individuals were held to account.” Why is that relevant when that happened in 2016? Because, according to her, Cambridge Analytica is operating now under another name: “Data Propria, which is working with the digital director of Trump’s 2016 campaign Brad Parscale.” And referring to Facebook she says “…an aggressive multinational company whose business model is threatened by the bad man’s opponent is, at best, conflicted; at worst, complicit.”

One more thing. There is a difference between assertiveness and aggression. Both concepts are generally confused and believed to be interchangeable, especially here in the U.S.

I would never recommend being aggressive. First because it’s ineffective—forcing someone to agree with you is never going to yield a favorable response. An aggression is a physical and/or verbal behavior intended to do harm. There is an intention to harm somebody. For instance, what Congressman Yoho said to Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. He wanted to hurt her into submission.

I always encourage women to speak up, to stand up for themselves, in other words, to be assertive. Being assertive implies social skills that rely on effective communication, respecting others thoughts and wishes. Nevertheless, the communication needs to be clear, and the stand-point needs to be strong. That’s exactly what Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has done, brilliantly.

As the recently departed Senator John Lewis, R.I.P., said numerous times, paraphrasing, don’t be afraid to speak your mind, but always from a place of love, leave hatred at bay. It was what he called “getting into good trouble.”

I would add the use of your assertiveness to attack the issues that are affecting billions of people around the world, because that’s the ethical thing to do. Personal attacks are only ineffective distractions intended to harm and even decimate others, therefore, they are useless and unethical.

For things to get solved, we need your assertiveness, not your aggressions, particularly, not your name calling.